Peace of the Season?

I thought I was doing good this holiday season. Seemed to be ahead of the game on my cards, baking, and while I hadn't actually gone shopping, at least I had a solid game plan. Then my husband went and scheduled a flight for me up to visit my Mom on the 20th. So much for the well planned schedule.

Now I come from a long line of Type A personality, planners. We like our schedules. We figure things out ahead of time, we know what has to get done and we do it. And we pride ourselves on being on-time, and even better yet - ahead of the game. Unfortunately for me I married a Type A procrastinator. I still haven't quite figured out how these two seemingly, contradictory traits go together, but for him they do. Phase 1 is peaceful with no worries, there is plenty of time. Enter Phase 2, my wife is starting to bug me that we're running out of time and it's annoying me because there really is still plenty of time. Phase 3, Oh My God!!!! there's no time left!

This year was even worse than previous. Last year I made the mistake of purchasing gifts for my stepdaughters without my husband. What man likes to go shopping? How silly of me - apparently my husband does. He no longer quite knows what works in teenage fashion, but he wants to be a part of the experience. So this year, I waited. And waited. And waited. Until finally we were down to the last available day that we could go together. And, of course, we still needed a tree too.

So, bright and early we headed to the mall and completed all shopping for 3 girls in under 2 hours. Unbelievable. So much for browsing and contemplating the perfect gift. Is that her size? It is, and it's on clearance! Sold! We arrived back home with our bags, dumped them secretly in the house and were off to Home Depot for a tree. 5 mins. later something resembling a tree was tied to our car. So much for my tradition of trekking out to cut down our own. A good friend of mine, also from upstate NY, commiserated with me over our old childhood times and how this year her husband and her went to the local Sears parking lot.

We had our gifts, we had our tree. It was a little over a week before the big day. The tree was in the living room, no lights, no decorations. Wrapping paper remain missing in the attic. Finally the decorations found their way to our bedroom. It would be another two days before they made it to the living room couch. In between working late at the office, delivery cookies, and finishing cards (I thought I was ahead of the game????) the lights got thrown on the tree. Slowly a few brave ornaments found their way onto the tree and then in the final days before Christmas Eve, the tree got decorated. (And while everyone in the family put ornaments on the tree, not one of us did it at the same time.)

The cookies were all delivered. The cards all mailed. And most gifts bought. That only left some last minute purchases and A LOT of wrapping for Christmas Eve. But it all got done. Our last minute Christmas.

I had complained and then joked about how it all came together, but as we sat there Christmas morning all opening our gifts the thing that struck me most was how much of a family we were becoming. We may have not gone through the typical traditions of picking out our tree, decorating it together, baking cookies, numerous trips to the mall to find the perfect gift, and so on. However, gone was the anxiety of past years over who got more gifts, that the girls had to buy gifts for me or Mom, that Mom was there but not other relatives. Instead, there was laughing, smiles, and a general peacefulness. We berated Andy for videotaping us in with our bedhead and pjs. Tara laughed as she opened the dogs' gifts as she had fewer boxes than anyone (but only because she had the most expensive gift). The girls smiled with pride as Mom gushed over the gifts they had purchased with their own money and accord. Hugs and kisses were genuinely given among everyone. It was our own little Christmas miracle.

Do I dare say that it seems our little, crazy, stepfamily might just be becoming a family?

Miracle of Cookies

I think it was four years ago that my mom started the annual Christmas Cookie Sale at her church. She had heard of a nearby church that did something similar to raise money and decided that it would be a neat activity to try. Needless to say it has become something legends are told of.

Every year, around November, my mom and her little helpers begin hounding the church ladies for promises of baked cookies. And they don't accept just any cookie. These have to be FANCY cookies - no store bought, no plain 'ole chocolate chip. We're talking, bars, decorated, cut-outs, fudge, anything worthy of delivery to the baby Jesus. These women return with promises of 10 dozen, 15 dozen, 20 dozen and more! Last year set the all time record of something like 700 dozen cookies.

The beginning of December they hold a "decorating party" in the church one Sat. morning. The first year they even had a professional baker come and give them decorating lessons and hints. This is serious stuff here. Finally, a week or so before Christmas they set up shop in the dining room, transforming it with tables, silver trays, and poinsettias.

I've only heard tales of the people lining up and hour before opening, the mad rush to be the first, and the strategies employed by shoppers to ensure premium selection. Apparently it is analogous to Filene's Basement on wedding dress day. This year I decided to check it out myself and sure enough - there were the crowds, there went the cookies, and before we knew it we were done. 350 lbs of cookies - POOOF! - in less than an hour. Now that I've eaten my fair share I can only cringe at the number of calories. But, boy they were good.

Not sure if I'll make it up next year again, but I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities to come. I think if the now-tradition were to stop there might be a large uprising in the local community.

Indulgence

Unlike most years I've actually been doing good this year when it comes to the holidays. Perhaps it was because Thanksgiving was earlier or perhaps it was because I kept thinking it was December when it was still November, but I am so ahead of the game. It's a Christmas miracle.

As part of my holiday activities, I recently bought some gifts from Williams and Sonoma, plus a tin of peppermint bark for ourselves. In an effort to make it last longer than 24 hours, I took it upstairs to our room away from teenage cravings. I had barely eaten any, when one of the girls called us at work, home from school, to report that Spencer had eaten the bark. At first I questioned her since I couldn't believe it. Usually he's unbelievable good about staying out of things. I've often placed my dinner right in front of him, walked away, and come back to find him inches from it, drool all over the place, but the food untouched.

Well, lately after his bout with pancreatitis he has been feeling much, much better. Of course, we've also taken him off his potassium bromide which he was on for seizures. He still gets his phenobarb, but the combination of the two can increase the chances of a pancreatic episode. So while he was sick and in the hospital, he did get the pheno intravenously, but he didn't get the potassium. By the time he returned home, it had been a week since he'd last had it. Here I was being so careful about what I fed him, to allow him to heal, and yet I was about to put the potassium in with his food. I just couldn't do it. Since then, his energy has more than doubled, he's more sure on his feet and you can just tell he feels better. He's faster, more sure of himself, and behaving in ways he hasn't in years.

Such as eating the 1 lb tin of peppermint bark......One frantic call to the vet later, I was reassured that it was not enough chocolate to prove poisonous and there was more sugar than fat (thus not aggravating the pancreas). All that was left was to deal with one unhappy tummy and have a good laugh.

Birthday Surprise

Teenagers. We were all them at one point and some of us are lucky enough to experience the lovely years as parents. It's given me a completely different perspective and understanding. Ask my mom - I've called her several times to apologize.

But every once in awhile they do surprise. This time it was Andy's birthday, complete with decorations, gift & card (bought with their own money of their own accord!!!), and a full dinner. Steak, corn, mashed potatoes, and meringue for desert. All without even being reminded of the actual date. Impressive.

Today's Little Thing

I was standing by the back door this morning, letting the dogs out when I noticed a leaf on our Jasmine plant. Now that the weather's been cooler, the leaves have been dying and dropping more than during the Spring and Summer. This morning a particular red leaf caught my eye. A perfect example of one of Life's Little Things.

Birthdays

In our family we have 3 birthday months. Brittany & my Mom have January covered; Tara and Andee have March; and Andy & I have November. In fact, Andy & I were born almost exactly 10 years apart - him on the 12th and me on the 15th.

So, here we are in the throws of our birthday week. I remember how much I used to relish in my birthday. The combined birthday/Christmas wish list would start in August with continual updates and added details right up until the last minute. As I started dating guys who needed more and more assistance with the desires of a female, the wish list even began to include exact sizes, colors, pictures, and in some cases, website URLs or catalog numbers. At least I was guaranteed to like what I got!

However, I have found the last few years that it is harder and harder to put together my wish list. There is less and less that I want. Either that or perhaps it is more expensive - a new digital camera, a vacation, a new home, the world is my limit. :) But, unfortunately, I think that there is just less I want because sadly, I am getting older.

So as we commiserate on our birthdays, I was going to include some quote about age and what a pain in the butt it is, but then I found this one. I suppose it's God's little way of reminding us to be thankful for what we have....

"Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many." ~Author Unknown

A Sigh of Relief

Our poor Mr. Boogie has not had a very good week and it has been very stressful. He typically will have "off" days, but with a little love, water, and vanilla ice cream will bounce back to his normal self within a day or so. Unfortunately last weeekend none of these things were working. He was one sad, sick puppy and boy, you could just see it in his face. First thing Monday morning we took him to our fabulous local vet - which we have come to love even more this week. Dr. Barry saw Spence right away and admitted him so that he could start to get some intraveneous fluids. Initially the blood work came back positive with the only determination being gastrointestinitus.

Unfortunately, Tuesday the outside, more extensive bloodwork came back indicating pancreatitis which can be very severe and life threatening. Andy & I were able to go over that afternoon and visit with him. It was very nerve wracking as we really didn't know what to expect and whether he was going to pull through or not. He had still not eaten and had shown very little interest in food. Dr. Barry asked us to bring some homemade chicken & rice so hopefully Spence would be more interested in eating with us there.

Thank God! It worked. He dove into the chicken & rice, rice flew everywhere, and we had to pull the container away!!! We spent quite a bit of time with him and it was so much more reassurring to see a little bit of the old Spencer. The specialist came on Wednesday, giving him an ultrasound which confirmed that he has a horrible case of pancreatitis. We were able to take him home that afternoon which the vet said was an absolute miracle given how sick he was.

The last couple of days, he has continued to improve, eat and drink well, and become a little more playful and his old self. It is still going to be a long road as in order to have a case of pancreatitis so severe it has been going on for quite some time - which explains all the "off" days. Needless to say he is going to have to be on a very rigid diet of no-fat/low-fat and absolutely NO scraps or people food. So much for the goodies. It's going to be hard to resist that face, but we would much rather resist than lose our Mr. Boogie.

And much to my heart's delight, as I sit here and type this, he is begging, staring at his food bowl for some more.

Heroes

I always seem to be a season behind. First it was 24, then Lost, this year I'm catching up on Heroes. After picking up the Season 1 DVD and becoming completely addicted, I just can't stop watching. I'm totally intrigued by all the nuances, references, and symbolism. And I'm always a sucker for narrations. The following one is from the Season 1 finale.

Opening Narrative:

"Where does it come from? This quest, this need to solve life's mysteries. The simplest of questions can never been answered. Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we'd be better off not looking at all, not delving, not yearning. But that's not human nature, not the human heart, and its not why we are here. Yet still we struggle to make a difference, to change the world., to dream of hope, never knowing for certain who we will meet along the way. Who among the world of strangers will hold our hand, touch our hearts, and share the pain of trying."

Closing Narrative:

"We dream of hope. We dream of change. Of fire. Of love. Of death. And then it happens, the dream becomes real, and the answer to this quest, this need to solve life's mysteries, finally shows itself like the glowing light of a new dawn. So much struggle for meaning, for purpose. And in the end we find it only in each other; our shared experience of the fantastic and the mundane. The simple human need to find a kindred, to connect, and to know in our hearts that we are not alone."

The Neighbor's Trampoline

Up until the end of the summer, the house next to us had a family with a couple young kids living in it. Since they moved out, the owner's have been renovating and I guess will be moving in themselves. Where as before the trampoline in the backyard was a bit of a sore point - due to plenty of screaming and yelling at all hours as the kids played on it - it now stands empty and unused.

Except that is by Tara, Andee and their friends.

The other night Andee & Amanda had gone over for lack of anything better to do. It had been really humid that week and it was finally starting to cool off just a bit. Almost like an end-of-August night. Even though the pictures didn't turn out crystal clear, I'm loving the effect. Amanda's moving out of state soon, and this just captures one of those everyday moments of joy & friendship.

Right vs. Left

I remember in high school they were always trying to help us figure out what it was we should do with life. We'd take all the pyschology tests to figure out our strengths - are we creative or analytical, social or antisocial, service or not. Then they'd divide us into groups based on our score. I was always the odd man out - equal parts creative, equal parts analytical. Hey, I just like to use my brain equally - no bias here.

Lately, I've really been favoring the creative though. Not sure if it was all the home shows I watched last week when I was home sick or what. (Got to love HGTV.) But besides the knitting projects I've been piling on my to-do list, I've also had the itch to sew something. And this is regardless of the fact that the last time I used my sewing machine it ended with a string of obsenities and curtains that were too short for the window! Tack on the list of photos I need to scrapbook and whew! It's going to be a busy winter.

I already told Andy - next house we get, I'm so getting my own room. A nice comfy chair for reading all my books, lots of storage and shelves for all my supplies and little knick-knacks, and of course, plenty of counter space for working all my projects. Ohhhhh - I can't wait. I think I'm going to have to design it right now! See - there I go, another project......

A Little Thing

As any stepparent knows, the relationship with a stepchild is a rollercoaster ride. My eldest and I have certainly had our share of difficulties, but I've been very glad to be able to reconnect with her this last year. Who knows if it's been time, distance, or just circumstances, but our relationship seems to be on the mend.

She's had a rough time with her roommate since moving into college and it's really been leading her to the end of her rope. I had my own roommate issues my freshman year, so I've been sympathizing with her. Yesterday she was really frustrated so I wrote her a long email, telling her about one of my experiences, giving a little bit of advice, but mostly just lending an ear and sharing in her frustration. To my wonderful surprise she wrote me back that her Dad had been giving her advice but that my way seemed much more logical! I didn't even know I had offerred "a way". But she was so appreciative that it just made me feel so good inside to know that I was at least able to help her whether I realized I was doing it or not!

Breath!

Just when I've started to relax, life gets crazy again. But thankfully, in a good way. Of course it's the start of the new school year, so I shouldn't expect anything different right? Between running around to get school supplies, buying the latest and greatest in teen fashion, getting ready for a weekend trip of my own, and all the normal day-to-day errands I think I need a few extra hours in my day - if only to sleep!

However, I have really enjoyed helping out my eldest stepdaughter Brittany as she begins her freshman year at Rutgers University. While I'm very excited for all the wonderful times and experiences that await her, I also remember how scary it was those first few months of being out on my own. I'm hoping that I can do a few things to help her with her transition even if it's only as exciting as dealing with all the financials and paperwork that come with college. But seeing as Andy & I have already made several shopping trips and a few emergency runs to the college - to hook up internet access and drop off water - I'm sure there will be many more enjoyable times together than just figuring out financial aid.

Given the rollercoaster of step-parenting, this is definitely a big thing for which I am very grateful.

Man's Best Friend

Andy's been away on business this week and so I've been left to tend to house and family. Originally Spence may have been my dog, but the two lone men of the family quickly bonded together. Now Spencer has always been a social animal, not one to enjoy being left alone. And since becoming part of a larger family and getting spoiled rotton by Dad, he hates it even more. So, part of my temporary, single mom duties are to give a little extra love and attention to him.

Course this only serves to remind me of why I always have been and always will be a dog person. He is just so darn adorable with his eternal puppydog looks and his floppy ears. Seriously - how could you not love that face?

Felted Bowls

Ok, here's my latest little knitting project: Felted Bowls. They turned out a little taller than I expected, so I guess next time I don't need to knit as many rows as the directions call for. Although I might try to felt the green further. I think it's still a little loose. Once I get my shipment of yarn I'm moving on to leg warmers, slippers, and a hat for Andy.

Fall, No Winter, No Spring, Summer?

Finally last night, the sun started to come out. Today we have been back to warm & humid weather. Ugh. I hate humid. It's sticky, it makes you feel gross, and my hair hates it even more than me. Up until last night, this week had been unseasonably cool, grey skies, rainy. Your typical Fall days.

It was pretty depressing the first day, but then I started to like it. Maybe it was because the work week started. The weather made me want to stay home, sleep in, cuddle with my dog (affectionately called Mr. Boogie) and just goof off. I also found myself yearning to knit. I tend to go whole hog on hobbies. I'll become obsessed with one for a while until I realize I've neglected and fallen behind on others, then I move on to the next. The weather came my Fall mood and hence the knitting began. I was trying to take a picture of my completed projects, but alas the light was horrible, so photos will have to wait till tomorrow when I can take a nice daylight photo.

Fall is probably my favorite season, although I do have a hard time picking one. But if I was forced, I think it would be Fall. I love the cooler weather, I love the leaves, I love anticipation of the holidays, I love the smells, the colors, I love the clothes ... I could go on. I used to love going back to school, the new clothes, the supplies, a new bookbag. I still do. For some reason the year begins in September, not January. As a kid I loved it and now as a step-parent, I know why parents always loved September too.

Now don't get me wrong. I love the snow too, the crispness, the cold, the beauty of a big snowstorm. I grew up skiing since I was a toddler and like any kid that grew up in true Upstate NY (east of Rochester) I could play in the snow for hours until my whole body was frozen. And of course Mom would always have hot chocolate waiting. I would come in, strip down and stand over the heating vent in the kitchen floor, warming up with my cup of hot chocolate - mini-marshmallows included of course.

And then there's Spring, just as you're growing tired of the brown, slushy goop that Winter becomes, the weather warms up, it stays lighter longer, and motivation slowly goes out the window. And Spring is the perfect temperature - not too warm yet. Too bad it's hell on us allergy sufferers. But it's still a good season. Summer - ehh. Probably my least favorite as I'm not a fan of the heat. But it is good for vacations, lazy afternoons, fruit, ice tea, and fireworks. I love fireworks!

But I'll still come back to Fall. Guess it's a good thing I found a husband who loves the Northeast as much as I do. I don't think I could live without my four seasons. And even though the humidity is back and it's supposed to be in the 90s this weekend, I think I might check out the fall clothes. A girl has got to be prepared.

Nerds

Yesterday and today have been a couple of those cool, rainy, feels-like-fall days around here. Those perfect days where you don't want to get out of bed, but instead curl up with a good book, old movies, a bunch of snack food and maybe a cozy puppy. (Although as any dog owner knows, the puppy goes hand in hand with the snack food.)

But alas, today is Monday. So here I sit at my desk, trying to find motivation and polishing off my little box of Nerds - Apple Watermellon flavored. As much as I love Nerds, I still think they fall a close second to Chewy Spree.

These are the important items running through my mind today.

Forgiveness

The last couple of days I've had this quote on my mind: "Forgiveness doesn't make the other person right. It just allows you to move on." I heard Sandi Patty say it a year ago and it really struck me. It's so true and yet I'd never thought of forgiveness that way before. But I've begun to wonder - given that definition, do we ever really forgive or does time just help heal old wounds? I mean, people have acted against me in the past and although it has hurt me deeply at the time I still talk to them, do things for them that I hope they appreciate, and try to maintain the relationship. But then something will happen and all the old feelings get stired up again and I ask myself - does that mean I never really forgave them in the first place?

I also know I have a tendancy to be too nice. I'm one of those people who trusts 100% from the start as opposed to making you earn my trust. I want people to like and accept me, so I often find myself doing things I think the other person would appreciate. I'm also learning though, sometimes the hard way, that I can't manipulate people's actions. I can't do something because I want them to feel or behave a certain way. I have to do things because I want to do them. I'm still working on distinguishing that line. I wonder - does this characteristic in me, make me too quick to forgive? Some people hold grudges. I don't think I ever could, at least not for very long, but is it possible that there isn't at least a little something to be learned from those type of people. After all, things aren't always black or white.

But then as I'm drying my hair this morning (I'm convinced that all ah-ha moments occur in the bathroom) I realized that just as forgiveness doesn't make the other person right, it also doesn't mean that you have to forget! I think the important lesson to be learned is that everyone needs forgiveness at times. Sometimes we give it, sometimes we receive it. And when we are on the giving end, it isn't always easy, but hopefully we learn to understand the other person better and even grow as a person ourselves. But most importantly, we find some peace to put the anger and the hurt behind us. Because, after all, life is to short to be filled with anger and hurt.

"The week can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong." Mahatma Gandhi

Rosie

Speaking of happiness.

Andy & I met Rosie a year ago at this wonderful bed & breakfast we stayed at for our wedding (Buttermilk Falls Inn). At that time, sexist as I guess we were, we assumed she was a he and because she/he was so obnoxious we nicknamed her "Ferdinand" after the goose in the movie "Babe". Our stay was brief, but we found lots of laughs and enjoyment in feeding Ferdinand and the rest of the ducks.

This year, for our first anniversary, we couldn't think of anyplace we would've rather gone. Thankfully all the feathered friends were still around. However, we learned A LOT this year. The swans weren't as mean as we thought, the ducks had little cliques, and Ferdinand was actually Rosie! By the time we left, she was eating out of our hand and making these little crying, begging, honking noises when we wouldn't give her any food.

Remember: Be kind to your web-footed friends, for that duck may be somebody's mother...

The Start of Something...

I've wanted to have a blog for awhile now, but I never felt as if I had anything important or remotely interesting to blog about. I'm not trying to change the world. I'm not embarking on a major journey. I don't feel I have vast pearls of knowledge to share. I'm just living my life, muddling through day-by-day, trying to do the best I can.

But lately I've decided to give it another go. (The first attempt failed miserably and consisted of many months of archived nothingness.) I'm justifying this attempt as a chance to reflect on life, ponder the big things, and acknowledge the little. Besides I love photos, I love to create, and I love to express myself. I figure even if no one ever reads anything I write, at least it will make me happy. And really isn't that one of the fundamental purposes of life - to figure out what makes you happy and do it? Who can find fault with that?